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Long and winding journeyIz_seNg |
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May 06 Who is He?I've been trying to fight with Him but I can't. I surrender to Him in the end.
I've been trying to tell Him my plan but He say "NO" cause He had a greater one for me. I surrender to Him in the end.
I've ask from Him, " Can I have this?". He will either answer "Yes, you can my son" or " No son, I have a better one for you" or " Em, why not you wait?". No matter what I submit to Him.
I can't see this person. Yet I can feel His existence. I cry to Him when I hurt and pain, He assure His love to me. He assure that our relation is based on both of our faithfulness on each other. Yet I cannot compare to Him cause His faithfulness is greater than mine cause I sometime will unfaithfull to Him but He never.
I'm stress. I'm pain. I'm pressure. My heart is broken but He say " It is the broken and contrite heart and spirit that He is looking for."
I just know one thing now that is to wait. Lord, I know that is YOU.
Isaac March 28 CompromisedMany things troubled me for past months. I receive deciscions that should not be put on me. I'm facing one who compromised. Words and action is different. Different people with different judgement WITH THE SAME RULES!!! It makes me to continue to think should serve in a place where I am not happy with. I dont want to resign because I dont want to give up my calling. I am thinking maybe I'm too fast go into the place where God gave me vision and maybe I need to go other places to be equipt and learn more before go into the land that i called promise land.
How long more that i can face people like this? I myself give myself 6 months patient limit. I donno what happen in 6 months time.
So help me God
Isaac December 01 Once in a whileOnce in a while I will read my spaces blog. What have I written in it. Some people said that blogging is wasting time. Yes in the sense but the good point of blog (for those who make use of blog) is that it help you to reflects what you have gone through in your life. Fuhhh!!! Once in a while and after for long time I dint put anything here. My last blog is "Why are you downcast oh my soul"..That was the beginning chapter of my new life as fulltime ministries. Seriously tell you, I superly disappointed with what I'm doing now. Not saying that I make a wrong decision. But ....*SIGH!!!* Donno how to say...Donno how to express. Seriously, I never been disappointed like this. One thing I ask, one thing I hope is that I can continue this with a success. My "mum" told me that giving up is not my character which is very true. Sometime I had to say "God, sorry. I can't go on. I'm tired with this".
Now i still can go on is because of "true friends" that surrounding me. Understand me. Share with me. Sometime i really fell so lonely here. I cant depend on my mentors too much cos i dont want to let them carry my problem. They already tired with what they had. All I can do is share it with my faithfull "mum" whom always pray for me and care for me eventhough i always bully her. To "3 flowers" eventhough one had back FCC, but we still in the same boat. These are mainly people who always walk with me spiritually. And this what had I gone through and am going through now.
Isaac September 03 Why are you downcast, O my soul?Psalm 42:11
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Today after service, God has ministered to me so strong until I cant speak a word. I was weeping. I really cant speak a word. Feel so comfort. I just felt very tired spiritually. He gave me this verse in the book of Philiphians " I can do all thing through Him who give me strength"..
Isaac July 16 A SIGH!!Another level of life. Ain't easy and difficult. Is time to use what I learn and put it into practise. Around 4 months ago as I do my devotion, I read this sharing entitled "Happily ever after?"..What strikes me is the word "flickers"...I actually do not understand this word but when the author describes i think i know what it mean. When I see flickers, I will always "sigh-ing"..Don undstd them..Ytday sermon talk bout Jesus "sigh-ing"...Jesus "sigh-ing" is speechless yet it speaks everything to God. As I write this, I'm still sigh-ing..:~
Isaac May 15 Tawau days - Hospital Tawau, SUCKS!!!In CC again. House got no connection. HMMM..yesterday went to register myself to take a car license..Woww!! After for so many years,,finally got the time to do it..I went with Michelle.. Both of us felt like going to kingdergarden school cause my dad were there and her mum with her. HAHAHA...
After that, went to hospital to re-test my breath test..Not for Alcohol breath test!! HAHA..but for my stomach sickness test to test whether the bacteria still inside or not...Continue to pray for me ya...So, I went to the doctor that being recommended. People said that he is the famous in Tawau..And my aunt say she know this guy well and no need to queue and just go to hospital and meet him..Remembered the Prestige Point in Camp!! I felt dont want to do so because i felt is not fair to other people..And Im a christian, should be fair...hahah...Culture Mandate!!! But I respect my dad and her decision so I just followed them..Everything goes not smooth as they planned. It has wasted more than 3hours and in the end i have to see that doc on end of next month!!! What the hack!!! Totally not "suang"..And my aunty did not admit the mistake that she had done..It teach me a lesson that is to put the culture mandate into practise!!!HAHA...
Isaac April 09 Lord, remove all the bacteria!!Last week I went for medical check-up because I finally can't stand with the gas inside my stomach. And before I go, I did thought that is was just a gas inside my stomach. Then the doctor said is not as simple as that. She suspect that I go this infection called Helicobacter Pylori which mean that my stomach got infected by some kind of bacteria that will cause stomach cancer in future. When I heard the word cancer, gosh!!! I was afraid and immedietly go for test. How they test me? Just give me and orange juice plus medicine inside and then after drinking it i breath in a special baloon for four time in every 10minutes. That little cup of orange juice cost me RM170(sigh!!! one adidas boots!!).Then I go back home and wait for result on the next day. Oh God, it really bring my mood down and make me so uncomfort. I share it to my "mum", my friend Jenny, my parents ofcourse and other trusted friends. The lesson I learn from sharing my pain this time is......(don't wish to continue)
Back to topic, the next day I go a test and I got no mood and no peace to study. Thank God by His grace and mercy than is big that I can ever know, I got a results that I cant expect. Tuesday come, report came out and it say my result is positive which mean I really got infected and doctor gave me medicine for a week which cost me RM250!!( total cost RM420!! 2 levi's jeans!!)..hahaha..Report also show that the bacteria inside my stomach is 70% higher than normal people. Is by the grace of God that I still alive..hahaha..Now still taking the medicine. Tell you, everytime I eat the medicine, my stomach felt so uncomfort and my stomach felt so heavy..haha..and somemore the medicine make my tongue bitter all the time..sigh!!! By eating this medicine, I hope that it will kill those bacteria inside my stomach. I should claim it by faith...I KNOW IT WILL GONE!!!! Like what my friend say I won't die easily one!! hahaha...Do continue pray for me to those who updates my spaces..
Shuh!!!Bacteria Shuh!!!
Isaac March 02 The matter of heart... During practise that day, I don't know why I will pray is the matter of heart during this lent season. Yet it make me kept thinking until today I found that God rebuke to me one thing. He tell me do everything with your heart not your mind. YES!!! is EVERYTHING with HEART!!! Being critical thinker ofcourse everytime I'll use my mind but not more on heart. Got a person shared this to me before when a person advise her. She said ofcourse I understand. My mind understand it but not my heart. Well it is true.
Since last year, many people advised me before but I never really care what they say cause it is a common advise. Even my pastor advise me, I replied him using a bible verse, "all this I know since I'm a child". I remember I shared this in my blog. I don't why whenever people sharing or advising me, I will feel sleepy. Maybe because of character changes from a steady person to a cautious person.
After being rebuked, I felt that it is important to listen by heart and to do things by heart. I realise I'm not a considerate person because I understand things through my mind not my heart. And I realise also that I can't trust, I can't love, I can't share and etc is because I din't do things with my heart. What the things I do with my heart is only about myself. I'm not a family person is because my heart also.
You can do the best, achieve the best, but without a heart on it, I think it cant compare to those whom failed but they put heart in it. You might finish reading your whole bible and understand it with your mind but without your heart to understand it, you havent graduate from reading the bible..hahaha..I thank God for this lesson of the week....
Heart
Isaac January 20 The Fig tree revived!!! A month ago in Labuan church I saw a fig tree that fall because of a big wind. As I taking pictures around the church, I saw this fig tree began to survive and some new branches began to come out. So I took the picture and I felt very satisfy because this is my first picture that I took and can praise God and cant stop thinking of it. It remind me in the bible when Jesus said to a fig tree, "wouldn't you bear any fruits?" so on the next day the tree produce some fruits.
A new year. New resolution. It's never be easy of course. I had gone through a good week. Through out the week I became a happy person. In everything I give thanks. I also be very discipline in everything this week. Not skip class. Consistently do devotion and pray. But come to Friday that is today, everything seems not right. I start with a bad morning. I wake up and felt a heavy burden and superb stress. And I argued with my dad when he called me this morning..Sorry dad...pls understand your son situation..I felt very very tired. Throughout the week, I not only fight with physical but also spiritual, mind and emotion..I felt very tired in the end.. This always happens to me...So I not satisfy..I ask God, why everytime I felt positive and felt very happy, something bad will happen to me and make me frustrate..So have a moody day..Skipped class..Very stress!!! Don want to face the college...And scolded many people today!! Sorry guys!!!
As I sit down and quiet down myself, I saw my friend nick name in MSN, "the fig tree has revived"..It brought me back to the fig tree in Labuan..It again give me hope..And I continue to give thank to God for this stress that happen to me...The devil has lost!!!
Thank God!!
Isaac January 17 After 2 months After two months, back KL, back FCC to serve. Is also have been two months I dint lead worship. Today leading worship is different to me cause I fear the Lord in the first place and surrender everything to Him. This 2 months break teach me back to rely on Him more than your own skills. Today I'm lead worship for the pratice for the worship service on Sunday. Early in the morning I got sick and got high fever. Thank to God for giving me discipline to eat medicine and rest. Once I got sick, I know this is the spiritual attacks. I don't think is coincidence that I suddenly sick cause last night had enough rest. So I SMS those "righteous" ppl in church..hahaha..to help me to pray and fight against this battle..Thanks God I felt much better after 3hours rest and after taking my lunch. But still "wing wing"(Michelle version)..Mean I still felt dizzy.. But it does not stop me to go practise.
Today practise I finally push myself to my limit to play guitar and singging. Actually I struggle in the beginning cause I dont want to get out of the comfort zone. But I put my trust in God. I very satisfy with it. I'll give myself 65%. Still need to practise. During practise, I very enjoy. I can have a smooth communication with my musician and having serious fun with them. And I know what I want in worship and make sure they all know it as well..
I felt good days is coming towards me. I felt God is molding me according to His mission for me in life...Thank God. I love You..
Happy
Isaac December 18 Everything is POSITIVE when you fall in LOVEHMM..been sometime that I dint update my spaces...For your information, I'm actually updating my journey in Labuan and KK and Labuan again in sim-isaac.blogspot.com( promoting lagi)..hahaha...Summarize my holiday now...My journey in Labuan has ended yesterday...I nearly left Labuan with tears...I miss the place so much..It's not because the place a lot of blessing..But I find that place is suitable for a person like me..Many people told me that Im weird cos I like Labuan..HAHAA...Well, I wish this will be my promise land for the rest of my life...
Well, lets get into the topic...Some of those who know me will say "again!!!".. Talk love again..Well to be frank,, I got a dream that showing me become a "speaker"( I dare not to say " a Pastor") who speak in a conference talking about BGR..Maybe Im the new generation from my Boss in Labuan..hahaha..
I've been into relationship 2 times and both failed. For my first relationship, I did tell my Boss that I having a relationship.. And he ask me to break the relation..Don continue..But I dint listen to him and i continue it..Well thats is why "when you fall in LOVE, everything is positive"...Our relationship failed and it hurt me so deeply till I cant accept the fact and I lost myself...Thanks be to God, if not because of this incident, I will not be what I am today a person who Love God..
This two incident has teach me a lot of things. When you so call fall in love, you will deny everything that is negative and trying to comfort yourself that the relation will last until eternity. Well, why i say "so call fall in love" is because that is not a relationship that God wanted you to be in. What do you need to know is, people beside you can see things clearer than both of you.
Why I suddenly share this things is because after 23October2005( you'll know wat date is it right), I opened up a very "wonderful" birthday present in my life.. Since then I never touch into relationship anymore. And I make a wow to God that I will never get into relationship until I finish my study. It been more than a year I keep this wow. Yes sometimes I will stumble and tempted to get one but I remind myself with the wow that I made. And in April, I fall in love with a girl. I prayed that this will be God's will to me. I nearly proposed but I dint..HAHA...I just remind myself that if it is God's will one day it will be yours. In the mids I deny many things such as we will be together and she will like and with the character we have, we able to be together...
Well, thank God to Labuan that my mind really be made clear and He showed me that I was "so called fall in Love"..God answer many of my prayer in Labuan..Gave me a lot of vision..But God is really good all the time and He........
Should stop here..Let it be question mark for you all..HAHAHA..Share many of my private things already....
Isaac November 18 Having holiday in Labuan..Yo everyone, if you are one of those who updating my blog here, please proceed to sim-isaac.blogspot.com. I will update my holiday trip at this site. So be updated on me ya..God bless
holidaying
Isaac November 15 The Lifebuilder's CreedHey friends..wanna share this creed to you all. I like it a lot and it is meaningful. HAHAHA
Today is the most important day of my life.
Yesterday with its successes and victories, struggles and failures is gone forever.
The past is past.
Done.
Finished.
I cannot relive it. I cannot go back and change it.
But I will learn from it and improve my Today.
Today. This moment. NOW.
It is God’s gift to me and it is all that I have.
Tomorrow with all its joys and sorrows, triumphs and troubles isn’t here yet.
Indeed, tomorrow may never come.
Therefore, I will not worry about tomorrow.
Today is what God has entrusted to me.
It is all that I have. I will do my best in it.
I will demonstrate the best of me in it—my character, giftedness, and abilities—to my family and friends, clients and associates.
I will identify those things that are most important to do Today,
and those things I will do until they are done.
And when this day is done
I will look back with satisfaction at that which I have accomplished.
Then, and only then, will I plan my tomorrow,
Looking to improve upon Today, with God’s help.
Then I shall go to sleep in peace . . . content
Today matters
Isaac
Pressure!!! Pressure!!PressureAnother 12 hour more, I will fly to Labuan. Feeling very pressure now. I think I cant sleep tonight. Wanna vomit now. Very very very the scary. Haih..Now in my mind I was thinking have I make the wrong decision?..HAHA..But this time really teach me one thing that I have to throw myself away and fully rely on God. Yet not my will but Yours be done Lord. Arrrgghhh, I'm still scare..HOW oh!!!???? Pray for me those who update my blog. Send your prayer to my phone so that I know..HAHaHA November 14 RM2 non-monetary value is far greater than RM2 money valueYeah, just back from alpha usher, security and those who serve in alpha celebration. Wonderful time of fellowship again. But this is not the main things that I want to share to you all. Before the celebration, I went for a movie. Watch TheCovenant. Nice movie. Well, I go and buy my ticket. After selecting my seats all those stuff, then I ask the cashier whether today got student price or not. Then she replied " I printed the ticket already and you have to pay it." I felt annoyed and loudly said, "WHAT!!!." She replied me in a rude manner, " You dint show your ID card ealier." Was very very angry and take the RM10 throw to her and take my ticket and go. What a sucks service.
As I cool down myself, I was thinking why I was angry because of RM2. Well, to me, the issue here is not about the money value. I can pay the RM2. Is the satisfaction inside my heart. Is the non-monetary value that i got. I think only business student will understand this term where every investment need to consider the non-monetary value also. Well, some people will know that KaSeng will not make a non-profit investment or decision. Money is not everything to me. Hmmm, I think I has make it. To make it simple, every desicion to me, I must make sure the non-monetary side such as satisfaction is greater than the money value. Each decision must be made sure it is worth. Sorry that I'm very business minded here. HAHA, maybe thats the call for me to study business.
Satisfaction
Isaac |
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